Biter Vs. Bitten

My child has been both the Biter and the Bitten.

Peter started biting when he was nine months old. He was reprimanded, he was smacked, he was put into timeout.

But he was only nine months old, these punishments did nothing {but make me feel awful}, he was still a baby and all he knew he was doing was something that effectively delivered the result he wanted. It usually happened when he and another child wanted the same toy and fisticuffs were involved.

It was mortifying.

I know it is awful when your child is bitten {my kids have been victims too} but let me tell you, to be the parent of a VERY young child that bites others is mortifying.

Because even if your child was provoked, your child losing some hair or being hit over the head with a toy telephone will never seem to be as bad as a victim going home with a nice little set of teeth marks imprinted on their precious little forearm. It leaves proof of violence.

People judge you, asking why your child does it and what is being done to stop it.
People don’t want your child near their child, so you miss out on friendships too.
Sometimes you get banned from group classes which is not only humiliating but it breaks your heart to see them missing out on learning experiences just because you somehow turned your baby into some kind of a blood sucker.

Thankfully Peter never actually drew blood, but he did hand out some nasty bruises.

He learnt how to say sorry at a very young age. I got to practice that little exercise in humility often too, as is only fitting when your child has injured another.

Biting doesn’t need a reason when a baby (0-18months) is doing it, they are just trying to communicate with what they have. All you can do is try to curve that behaviour and try to replace that action with another, less harmful, action.

So as you can see, I have some experience when it comes to parenting a Baby Biter!

I was a little upset yesterday when somebody, for lack of a better word, accused my 10 month old baby girl of biting the head of a 4 month old baby when she obviously didn’t do it. Babies scream when they get bitten, I’ve heard that sound more times than I care to remember . . . they don’t continue to play happily on the floor.

Also their will usually be teeth marks, biting that leaves raw marks will definitely be accompanied by the shape of teeth, they go hand in hand.

It was not the baby’s mum, but a friend who was holding the little one and noticed some scratches on his wee head.

Scratches, like from his own sharp, baby, finger nails.

I know that I am being oversensitive here, but my first child’s biting phase was one of the most difficult periods of my life, I felt like I couldn’t take him anywhere without something happening and I didn’t want to be angry with my child all the time.

I cried, a lot.

So to have someone just assume that my second child was to blame for something and that I wouldn’t even have been aware of the alleged misdemeanor, well it just gets me down. I did notice, for instance, when she accidentally poked him in the eye with a carrot stick while trying to touch him {she loves babies}. I also moved her away and apologised.

To sum things up:
To the parents of the Biters, those that are pulling their hair out wondering “Why is my baby biting others?” I say be encouraged. Stay the course, stay vigilant and try to remember that your child will more than likely grow out of it. It is common for babies and toddlers to bite their peers.

To the parents of the Bitten, I know it’s awful when your child has nasty bite marks {my little one got bitten on the lip once, blood and all that time!} but, if you see that the carer is trying to make amends, please try to be gracious with the culprit, and the culprits mummies. Nobody wants to see your child hurting. Really.

Whether our kids are biting or are getting bitten, it’s always going to be upsetting, lets try to help each other out through these times.

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Tagged as: Parenting